Someone, somewhere once said that “Tough times don’t last, tough people do”, what a brilliant quote and very true.
Over the past couple of days i have been going through a tough time in my personal life and questioning and doubting myself both as a parent and partner. My thoughts were very depressive and dark, my self-esteem was at an all time low and my self-loathing was at an all time high.
My past as a drug addict, jailbird and criminal was at the fore-front of this attack by the dark forces of the universe, and i really was thinking my partner and kids would be better of without me. I wanted to go, i wanted to leave, to where i don’t know but this was how i was feeling.
Johnny as always was on the end of the phone with a listening ear and sound advice. I was reminded how worse of i could be, i could be in a prison cell staring at 4 walls surrounded by negativity. I was reminded that i’m not in a prison, i am at home with my kids and a family that love me and how far i have come in 15 years. 15 years ago i was in prison with no home, no job, no kids and nothing on the horizon to suggest that anything was going to change anytime soon.
Now here i was feeling sorry for myself and wanting to run from the greatest gift a man can ever have, a gift that surpasses anything material you could ever own and that is your kids and your family.
These bouts of self-loathing and depression come across me regularly and i remind myself that all the small positives in my life add up to one big positive and that indeed ‘Tough times don’t last tough people do’.
Anyone else that goes through episodes like this would do well to heed this advice as well, add up all the small positives and you will see that really your life ain’t that tough.
Ex-con’s i believe are more susceptible to this mind set because we are taught from an early age that we are part of a class system and being in prison you are at the very bottom of that ladder. I really would like to tell the “so called” upper class elite where to put there system and when i look at my happy, intelligent twin 7 year olds i think to myself how dare they think that them and theirs are any better than me and mine or us and ours, depending on where you are coming from.
As a social experiment a few of the Etonian elite that actually believe that it is their birth right to govern and rule should be given a prison experience, or be placed in social housing for 6 weeks with no money, no job or no prospect of a job and see how they adapt and cope.
The world myself and my generation were born into was one of full time employment if you wanted to work with a decent wage, but when i was 11 the rug was pulled out from our feet with the closure of the mines, textile industries and more. Nothing was put in place for men and women who were used to getting up and working to continue to do so and this area as well as many others imploded in on itself. Crime and drugs seeped in and became prevalent, marriages broke up, people succumbed to addictions and died. For what? Capitalist greed, basically.
We now have them stripping our pensioners who built and fought for us of free tv licences that we shouldn’t be paying in the first place. They want them to pay an organisation[BBC] a fee for a channel that hid paedophilia and other corruption for years.
We need to really ask ourselves who are the real gangsters and criminals.